Bedford Speakers

The Bedford Speakers annual Christmas party and Tall Tales contest was held on the 1st of December at the Ruby Murray Indian restaurant in Bedford, and the restaurant was a welcome sight on a cold December night. Friendly staff, stylish decor, and the promise of delicious food to come.

The contest chair Narinder already had things well in hand, with numbers at each seat ready for the limerick contest, which were soon joined by the programmes – a joint effort between Narinder, me and Val. Gayna welcomed everyone to the party, then handed over to Narinder, who set the scene in great style, despite the frog she had eaten at lunchtime which was still lodged in her throat.

I was looking forward to delivering my own tall tale, but first came starters and limericks, including a multi-verse epic from Gayna and a few picks from Narinder’s bag of limericks.

Then it was time for my speech – “Lovely Spam, Wonderful Spam” – a fast-paced tour of SPAM around the globe. My speech was factual, but mentions of SPAM sushi, SPAM gift sets and kosher SPAM managed to fool a few people into thinking I’d made it up.

With other groups in the same restaurant, it was quite a challenge to make myself heard over all the noise. Great voice projection practice though!

I was followed by Tony’s account of a trip to the Ideal Home Exhibition in the 1970s. Despite claiming that the singer Craig David was his nephew, he managed to fool a few people (including me!) into thinking that his story was true, rather than a complete fabrication.

Next up was our former Division G governor, Graham. Graham told us a fictional tale of his brief career as a saxophonist in a blues band in London, that sounded extremely convincing.

Then came last year’s winner, Paul. His speech told us of a steamy (or at least, very wet) August night in 1997, which not only displayed fantastic storytelling skills, but was also completely true.

At some point between speeches, dinner arrived, and the table was soon crammed full with rice, vegetable dishes and curries. A fabulous meal – although I did feel sorry for those who had to speak on a full stomach.

Last but one to speak was Val, with a ‘shaggy dog story’ about a dog she once met at a bus stop. The horrendous pun at the end led me to believe it was a fictional story, but several others correctly identified it as fact.

And finally came our club president, Janet, who told us a story of how she unexpectedly found herself in the middle of an African marriage ceremony with herself as the bride. Despite a certain amount of embellishment, I finally managed to correctly identify a true story.

But the show wasn’t over yet – we still had more limericks to come. Paul and I both managed to rhyme ‘Gayna’ with ‘no-brainer’ but it was Peter’s exceptional limericks including a man from Bedford who sang at a Welsh eisteddfodd who stole the show.

Narinder had one more surprise in store for us – cake! From a place of concealment under the table, she produced a huge plate full of home made fairy cakes, all decorated with the Toastmasters logo.

And finally, the competition results. Janet presented the certificates to the winners. Val took second place in the tall tales, and for the second year running, Paul took first place and carried home the trophy. Meanwhile, Peter’s masterful rhymes and wit won him first place in the limerick contest.